It’s that time of year again, that time when Girl Scout cookies are sold, purchased, and consumed in mass quantities. Many of us wait expectantly all year long for those tables to be set up outside of stores and piled high with boxes of sugary confection. Or when someone at work passes around that sheet of paper where we are allowed to make a commitment to spend our hard earned cash on a few boxes of sumptuous morsels of delight. Like I have done for many years, I succumbed to the pressures of a little girl (it didn’t take much) when I exited the grocery store. I purchased my usual. And I’ll probably do the same again the next time I walk out the exit door of the supermarket, tomorrow, the day after that, and the day after that. Like so many others, I can’t seem to stop once I start. The worse part is that I am forced to go cold turkey when the cookies run out.
That’s not what I want to point out today, though. If you are like me, you never read the nutritional facts printed on the side of the box of those cookies. Why? You know you’re going to eat them regardless of the printing that you overlook. Well, this morning I read those words. And, they’re lies. Allow me to explain.
Each year I make it a point to purchase one, or more, box of Thin Mints. I really like Thin Mints. And I eat the Thin Mints. Usually without sharing the Thin Mints. Because I don’t tell anyone I purchased the Thin Mints. And I hide the box of Thin Mints until we can spend time together, alone.
Last night for the first time I glanced at the nutritional facts printed on the side of the box. The first thing I noticed was that there are “8 servings per container.” That’s a lie. There’s only one serving in that box. Oh, I think I may have stretched a box of Thin Mints out to two servings once, maybe 1997 or 98, but, if I recall correctly, I may have been down with the flu that year. Every other year, though, I can honestly attest to the fact that I have never made it past one serving per container. And I’ve always thought of the container as the entire box, not just one of those silver tubes they surround those Thin Mints with.
The next line of those facts indicated on that box of Thin Mints is that there are four cookies per serving size. Now answer me this. Who can eat just four of those cookies? Four cookies is just a warm up as far as I’m concerned. You toss a pint of Hagen Das in there with that box of Thin Mints and you’ve got yourself a nice bedtime snack.
No, the information printed on the side of that box is all wrong. I should never have read those words, because I don’t think I will ever be able to trust a Girl Scout again. If I’m wrong about that, I wish someone could show me the error in my beliefs.
Good night, Mrs. Jackson, wherever you are.