Signs Of The Future

There’s been a new law passed. While we’ve been busy, with our attention focused to the racist tweets of the president and his fight with the democrats and anyone else he feels like being pissed at, the man has quietly signed into legislation a new law that governs, from here forward, the way we will be driving. And, it scares the hell out of me.

The new Interstate Travel Law has, for the first time, made the laws governing the actions of an operator of a moving vehicle the same, nationwide. For someone like me, that is a good thing. I will no longer have to worry about the state I’m in as to what laws I am responsible for knowing. Soon to follow is a National Driver’s License—I hope!

But, this is what has me troubled. The law changes the status of a few of the traffic signs we’ve all grown up with. One of the changes involves the eight-sided red sign we see at so many intersections. The new law says that any red eight-sided sign with a white border is now optional. Whatever is printed inside that white border is not a mandatory directive. When you see that sign, your actions are now optional, depending on what you think and how you feel at time.

Those white signs with the black ring around the edge? They are no longer speed limit signs. They are now suggestion signs. Those big black numbers are just suggestions as to how fast you should be going. Heaven forbid, though, if you get caught going slower than that. Any ticket you receive for exceeding the number printed on the sign, fight it in court. It’s merely a suggestion, not a mandate.

Those yellow things we once thought of as caution signs? They are now invitation to thrill seeker signs. Ignore those signs and shit is going to happen. What fun there is to be had. “Hang on, Mama. We’re headed for deadman’s curve.”

You no longer have to worry about the double solid yellow line down the middle of the road. It doesn’t mean anything. They’re going to continue painting them on the road so there is not a rapid decline in the number of road line painters employed. It’s too close to election time to be having any decline in employment numbers. But, don’t worry about those two solid lines painted side by side in the middle of the road. Cross that bad boy anytime you feel like. Especially on a blind curve.

Road work signs will be permanent on many roads. It’s cost effective that way. Just leave them up, and not put them up and take them down all the time. Plus, it’s just too confusing for the driver. They have other things they need to be doing rather than try to understand what’s going on around them. Oh, yeah. Don’t worry about that double fine threat. They’re just trying to fake you out.

Good night, Mrs. Jackson, wherever you are.