To Haagen-Dazs or Not To Haagen-Dazs

700-R1-17-6A_018_FotorI’ve got to tell you about a revelation I had yesterday. Okay. Maybe it wasn’t exactly a revelation, but it was a mind altering experience for sure. And, it all dealt with my addiction.

What addiction is that, you ask. It’s my addiction to ice cream. I’ve tried not buying the stuff, but did you know they’ve planted stores all over this country that have massive amounts of that frozen delight stored, just waiting for people like me to walk through and snatch up a carton or two? I’ve tried not keeping any of it in my freezer, but a container somehow just finds its way into that enclosed area of arctic temperatures. I’ve even tried the 12 step program. It failed me, too.

I discovered something yesterday, though, that may change my thoughts on ice cream consumption forever. I had just finished a very satisfying lunch. One that consisted of smoked turkey and muenster cheese on 12 grain bread, with a slice of red onion, and was considering topping it off with a short nap when a thunderbolt of a thought flashed through my mind—I had ice cream. Yes, there was a container of ice cream in my freezer. I had forgotten that had I stashed it away the last time I visited one of those places that keep these delectable delights stored behind glass doors so that people like me can stare hungrily as we attempt to decide how many, and which flavor, we are going to take home with us.

HDWhen I pulled the door of my freezer open there was a pint (I know. Only a pint. What was I thinking?) of Haagen-Daz White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle ice cream trying to hide behind the frozen peas. Hah. It didn’t have a chance. I snatched that cardboard container up, grabbed a spoon, and stumbled down the stairs, back to the gravity recliner I had just left. That nap was going to wait.

If you’ve never tasted Haagen-Daz White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle ice cream, you’re missing out on a delightful experience. One that will have your taste buds dancing the tango across your tongue. Those spoonfuls of confection you will let slide down your throat will two-step their way through your stomach to the fat cells they will call home for a very long time. I think they might even settle in and raise a large family. You know they multiply like rabbits.

Screen Shot 2018-05-15 at 06_FotorEnough of that. Let me get right to the point. As I was spooning that savory delight into my body I read the carton I held in my left hand. 280 calories. That’s not bad. It wasn’t bad until I read that there were 3 1/2 servings in that little bitty container. One half cup per serving. That equals out to just short of 1,000 calories per container. At that rate I was going to have to cut back on my bedtime snack.

Hold on a minute. Something didn’t add up. I was sure that the cardboard container I had in my hand was the pint size. If Mr. Haagen and Mr. Dazs are correct, that should equal out to four servings. I was wrong. That container was only 14 ounces. When did a pint become 14 ounces?

I was sure that I had been shorted two ounces. I read every word printed on that little box, all the while spooning ice cream across my teeth so it could dance its way down my throat. Nowhere was it printed that I was holding a pint. I’m pretty sure that they used to sell their confection by the pint. Maybe they did that slight of hand trick when I was on the wagon. That was back in 2014 when I spent a couple of weeks rafting down the Colorado River. But, it could have been before, or after. Until yesterday, I never paid much attention.

If a serving size is only two ounces, than someone is getting shorted when I’m around. Who eats just two ounces of ice cream? I think the spoon I use can capture three ounces at a time. What it all comes down to is that the missing two ounces need to be returned, and the nutrition facts must be updated. There is no way that little container is more that one serving, and at 14 ounces it fails miserably in that category. No wonder I don’t feel quite right when I toss the empty container in the trash and the spoon in the sink.

Join me. I’m going to send a letter to my congressman and voice my concern that the American public is being duped into believing that a pint is 14 ounces. And that the nutrition facts on the side of a container should be read and believed. Ice cream should not be allowed to be put into any container less than a true pint (16 ounces), and list the nutrition facts for the container size. Who eats less than a pint of ice cream at a time, anyway?

WCOh, there’s more. Maybe we should submit the subject matter to our local think tank. Wait a minute. I’m sure those guys don’t eat ice cream. They’re communist. We’ll just start our own think tank. If we do that, though, we’ll have to sample large quantities of that dairy delight before coming up with a recommendation. It could take days.

I submit my nomination for our first taste test—Haagen-Dazs White Chocolate Raspberry Truffle. Anyone care to volunteer?

Good night, Mrs. Jackson, wherever you are.