What would your pet say if it could talk? Would the story your pet tell be different if you had a dog versus a cat? Since a dog doesn’t sleep as much as a cat, I assume the dog would see more. But, a cat seems more perceptive, so would the cat understand more? (Maybe that’s why they’re so standoffish.)
Your pet would know all your secrets. Does that bother you? Would their revelations be embarrassing to the point that you might want to take them for a final visit to the vet? If your pet were more discreet than a four year old child, you might have a chance in keeping your embarrassment in check. Oh, if your pet didn’t have a filter on their loose tongue, you might be in trouble. You think taking a four year old out in public is challenging, that loosed tongued pet of yours out there in a crowd would be devastating.
Wouldn’t it be fun to hear what a dog or cat would have to say if they had been living with that douche bag uncle of yours? You know who I’m talking about. He’s the relative you don’t want showing up at the family reunion. The one that always wants to go, but you just want to go away. He’s the one you’d describe as the boil on the butt of humanity. There’s always one in a family.
Here’s a terrifying thought. Suppose that lovely pet were just like that obnoxious uncle you don’t tell anyone about? I didn’t think about that until right now. That would be one domesticated critter I would not want to hear from. There’s a nightmare waiting to happen. But, if you’re into nightmares….
I’m not sure why this idea showed up in my thinking this morning, but it did. Before sunrise, when I rolled out of bed, that thought was bouncing around in my head like a teenager halfway through their third can of Rockstar. Boing. Boing. Boing. All over the place, and not a straightjacket in sight.
So, now that we’re on the topic, let’s really think about what that poor pet of yours has been subjected to through the years they’ve been silently observing your every move. They’ve seen you in all states of undress. (That could be a scary thought.) They’ve seen you happy. They’ve seen you sad. They’ve seen you frightened. And, they’ve seen you mad. Have they seen you in the throes of passion? Could they make a fortune selling their interview to National Enquirer? Or, would their story be more suited to the smut rack at the adult store tucked away in the industrial section of town?
If that pet of yours could write, you might have a best selling author living under your roof. Just imagine the books: romance novels, Larry Flint publications, Stephen King knock-offs? Or, would they merely be unopened paperbacks at the bottom of the dollar bin during the close-out sale at the bookstore in the mall?
I, for one, am very glad that, through the years, none of my pets have been conversant in a language I understood, or anyone else understood. Oh, I knew when they needed to go outside, when they were hungry, and when they were trying to lift my spirits. I even had a dog that used to sing when I played guitar. She couldn’t carry a tune, but she sure could sing. I wonder if she was singing about…? No, that couldn’t be.
A thought just passed through my brain that I should share with you. When dogs get together, smelling each other’s butts, and barking like a flock of chickens cackling, do you think they might be sharing stories about the humans they live with? They’ve got to be saying something in dog talk. Maybe they’re just laughing about what we humans do when we don’t think anyone is watching.
Go ahead and admit it. You’ve done some strange things in your life. Things that maybe only your pet has witnessed. I haven’t, but I’m sure you have. If I asked your dog or cat, what would they tell me?
How about the time you picked up the bartender and just barely made it inside the front door before clothes started flying in all directions? You were rather busy, so you didn’t realize it at the time, but your cat was sitting in the hallway watching your every move. As you shuffled towards the bedroom, that calico of yours beat you through the door and sat on the nightstand while you…you know what you did. So does your cat. Maybe that story is all over the neighborhood, and you don’t even realize you’re the talk of the town. The cat’s meow, so to speak. Wow. That might be a story for the industrial section of town. (Can anyone provide directions?)
I think we should give our pets a break. We should not subject them to anything that we would not be comfortable sharing in mixed company. I’m thinking we might be making our pets neurotic. Unless they are sharing what they see. Maybe they’re using one another as a sounding board because they can’t afford a psychiatrist, and the local bartender won’t let them in to sit on a barstool and unload their troubles.
The idea that one day a bolt of lightning will be thrust down from the heavens, and give an intelligible voice to all the dogs and cats in the world scares the hell out of me. I don’t want my private life blasted all over the place. That’s why I stay out of politics. What about you? Does it bother you that you might be the cat’s meow?