I’m All I Have

I’ve heard this song many times in the past, but today the words of one line really hit home. Maybe it’s because I really heard them for the first time. Whatever the case, that one line, in that one song, was speaking to me.

“I ain’t much, but I’m all I have, and what’s left is fading fast”

I suppose when a person reaches a certain age they really begin to think about where they’ve been and where they’re going in life. It’s too late to change the road behind you, but you sure can choose the road ahead of you. I’m at that point. I think I am, anyway. If I’m not, then I’m just going to pretend that I am and move forward.

After really listening to the song I figured I might just have to do a reevaluation of my 1-3-6 year plan a month or two early this year. Or, I could finish the verse and let the Blue Agave help me through it all. Now, that’s a thought worth thinking. The only problem is, I don’t have any Blue Agave. I’ll have to figure out something to take its place. Do you think gin will work?

“Gonna raise some hell and raise the roof – Hey, Blue Agave hundred proof – Till I’m stoned out of my mind – And this whole world starts to shine – Hell, I ain’t much, but I’m all I have – And what’s left is fading fast – It’s all it’s meant to be – Hey, Blue Agave set me free”  (Blue Agave by Jackson Taylor and The Sinners)

I’m sure the Blue Agave could go a long way towards changing my outlook on life, even if it’s for only one night. The problem I see with this line of thinking is that the morning after makes you wish you’d never been born, regardless of the help you get along the way.

But, let’s get back to that original line of the song that really got me to thinking about where I am in my life. I’m not too bad off. I was able to make it out of bed this morning, and I even got upright and mobile. And, I’m pretty sure I can be as good once as I once ever was. Maybe even twice. That’s a helluva lot better than the other option, isn’t it?

So, what is it that has me so troubled? I can’t really say. I just know that I’m all I have. Is there anything better than that? Maybe. But, I can’t say. I don’t have anything to compare it with. However, I do know that what’s left is fading fast. That much I can tell.

I guess when you get to the downhill side of life it all picks up speed, doesn’t it? If I’d have known that thirty years ago I would have loved more, lived more, and thumbed my nose at old age. The first two I can’t get back and change, and the last one is coming whether I try to stop it or not. Hell, some people think it has already overtaken me, but I don’t. I’ve still got a step or two on it. Maybe it’s all mind over matter. If I don’t mind the morning after, then it doesn’t really matter, does it?